My Dad worked at Pirelli General, in Passfield Avenue. Happy days in the social club there, swimming and playing tennis and snooker 
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All I have to do is accepted that keeping the kitchen in a pristine condition is much more important than using it to prepare food.
That will be a consolation when Iâm found starved to death on an immaculate kitchen floor.
BTW, and this is true, Mrs S has a friend who has never used her oven or hob as she doesnât want to spoil them. 
I suppose itâs the equivalent of having a fantastic sports car but never taking it out of the garage in case it gets dirty
I am beginning to wish we hadnât done the kitchen - previously we had a patterned black granite worktop which hid all manner of detritus that I had âmissedâ . Now we have white quartz that not only has to be cleaned (fair enough) but then polished after every use because the Ayatollah doesnât like the smearing that the cleaning creates. I will add that this smearing is only visible in certain light and even then at a certain angle
This wouldnât so bad but the island (that she insisted on) is so big it has its own postcode
THE WORLDâS SHORTEST FAIRYTALE.
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl âWill you marry me?â The girl said âNO!â
And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and shooting and played golf a lot and drank beer and whisky and went to the pub anytime he wanted to and went to lap dancing clubs and had loads of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.
THE END.
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âŠbut ultimately, was he happy?
N.B. You donât need to answer.
Just to save you getting in more trouble, the floor wonât be immaculate if youâre lying dead on it. For extra brownie points try and starve to death somewhere else 
Saw this comment in a Grauniad article on the recent gradual demise of Diet Coke
âI always think of, and refer to, Coke (diet or otherwise) as American Spring water.â
So true.
Interesting headline on the BBC website. âMet Office issues yellow snow warningâ. I suspect a copy editor with a sense of humour!
Said âhelloâ in the Cutler Arms in Rotherham last week. There wasnât room for any moves.
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