What do you enjoy more concerning football?

[Jack-Schitt]

Originally posted by @pap

Given many of our other shared interests, I’m semi-seriously wondering whether JS is actually a future version of me, sent back within his own lifetime*, to wind himself up. He’s probably not given us all winning lottery numbers to stop a universe destroying paradox or something.

It’s what I’d do

Fuck! Damn you Pap, and your (my) over-inquisitive mind! You were never supposed to realise this!

Now – everything is completely fucked!

That terribly ominous rumbling clattering sound that you just heard in the heavens above, was not a simple passing thunderstorm – alas, rather you’ve just ripped a hole in the fabric of space-time! At least I do hope you heard it at any rate, or things are now even worse than I feared, and the current timeline I came back on has been completely severed! In which case, I only have until midnight to make the necessary repairs, or the universe will instantaneously and catastrophically implode! I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you – that nothing good would come of this.

I’m going to have to now travel back further in time to when Sotonians was all fields (was quite beautiful actually, if you appreciate a poignant sense of solitude, [as I know that you (we) do]) – and make some vital adjustments to your (our) memories.

If all goes well, everything will be fine, and you’ll simply have no recollection of this conversation. If it doesn’t – we’ll all be back on Fiver Central, paying Steve Grant for the dubious privilege of getting trolled by tedious twats and a handful of genuine fucking lunatics! Pray that this does not happen, and wish me (us) luck!

Regardless, it was a pleasure to briefly make our acquaintence in real-time. I wish you a long and happy life, for obvious reasons.

[Jack-Schitt]

I have similar fond memories of my own youth footballing days. But I never missed that penalty, you useless cunt. (100% record from the spot in competitive games. )

This also ties in nicely with it all being part of that connection with my dad. He used to ferry me all around Southampton in my days of tearing up the Tyro League. Ahh, all those times he’d stand patiently and encouragingly in the pissing rain on the sidelines, as I tried to single-handly fire the worst Mansel side in living memory to avoid relegation. Ahh, the 36-0 defeat away at Winsor in the Cup, what a day that was! The Manager who insisted on playing his utterly shite son in goal, despite his having the reflexes and agility of a hippopotamus fed on a diet of Big Macs and Strawberry Milkshakes.

The upturn in fortunes over the following two seasons leading to a top half finish, and my multi-million (chocolate buttons) transfer to Lordswood United, the massive inter-city (and inter-school) rivalries with City Rangers and AFC Solent; smashing Itchen Saints 27-2 and scoring sixteen goals myself in the process.

Awesome days, that a dislocated knee and severed medial ligaments later, robbed me of my electric pace, and the shell of a player that was left behind’s dreams of oneday playing for the beloved Saints, all amounted to nothing.

Tis good to reminisce those days when everything was all still stretched out before us, and those dreams were all still possible.

[Sfcsim]

At the back of the Milton, everyone used to sing, ‘Timmy Timmy show us your bum’. Must have been Helen who started it!

[saintbletch]

You could still turn out for the Old Blokes, Jack.

Even if your medial ligament was never reconnected, you’d still be odds on man of the match.

PS everyone loses to Winsor.

PPS as for goal memories I once went in goal for the school team and let in 9 goals against Brookfield School in a 9-0 loss.

We were from Gosport and being held responsible for losing to the Toffs from Sarisbury Green was a burden I had to carry all through school.

[Goatboy]

Winsor were a good side when I played in the Tyro.

I played for Fair Oak Earls from 8-15.

[lifeintheslowlane]

I loved playing…from the time I could walk until the age of 43 when a neck injury stopped me heading the ball…my Ron Davies days were over.

I so identify with Jack and a few others too, going to The Dell with my Dad…squeezing two though the tunstiles under the East Stand as there were no concessions for kids in that section. Being pushed down through the crowd onto the retaining wall so we 7 year olds would have a view of the game…asking my Dad if he could see OK later in life when the tables were turned. Picking my Mum up when we scored a late vital equaliser in our '66 promotion season…Mick Channon scoring on his league debut. Singing dry eyed “Abide With Me” at my Dad’s funeral in 1990…crying, singing the same in Cardiff. Being interviewed by Radio Solent on the pitch at the end of the last game at The Dell…asked about my memories…just remembering my Dad and Mum who never lived to see that day.

My Dad’s name is on a paver outside St Mary’s 1917-1990 “Forever With Saints”…like father like son.

[TedMaul]

Thats an amazing post

[Barry-Sanchez]

Lovely post that.

[pap]

Originally posted by @Jack-Schitt

Fuck! Damn you Pap, and your (my) over-inquisitive mind! You were never supposed to realise this!

Now – everything is completely fucked!.

You haven’t heard my theories yet, which I’m sure the esteemed paradox department of the space time continuum will take even less seriously than yourself. Forgive me if I ape the style of the Wayne’s World movies. All these theories are predicated on future me (past you) getting access to a time machine, which is presumably in the Sotonians mansion.

Bad ending
Sotonians lies in ruins. bletch is dead. Complete Bollocks Fry is posting under his preferred moniker, He-who-must-not-be-named has fully reconstituted from the Screaming Mann horcrux. Goatboy’s van-denter wins the Euromillions and dents Goatboy’s van as often as he damn well pleases. Due to undiscovered financial irrregularities, Saints are investigated by the FA, who make the inexplicable decision to appoint Paul Merson as adjudicator. He orders that St Marys be dismantled and repurposed into ramps for to meet the 30-something motability demographic. With all seemed lost, future me (past you) stepped into the time machine, desperate to put right what once went wrong.

Scooby Doo Ending
Sotonians has been losing posters at a rate of knots, due to a spooky monster scaring all the posters. We have enlisted help. but two of their number have spent the majority of the investigation in the Sotonians Pantry making unfeasibly tall sandwiches. Despite repeated attempts to determine the spooky miscreant, future me (past you) has drawn a total blank, except for one thing. There’s a nagging feeling that one time, this bloke wasn’t too careful about covering his tracks one time, except he deleted the post and you’ve rinsed the logs. It’s destroying the site! You have to go back in time, get the address and find the traitor in our midst. You travel back a bit further than you need to because you can’t remember precisely when it was posted, then a bit further back still to put a few bets on (please tell me we made money off that Liverpool game!).

Time passes, and fuck all happens. No new posters in spooky monster form. Not only have you needlessly travelled through time, but everything is a repeat now, Sotonians in particular. The JS persona is good for a bit, but it’s not caused the ripples you wanted. You think, “you know what could be cool? Scooby Doo on Sotonians”. And to think, you’ve gotten away with it if not for this ridiculous theory.

Super Happy Ending
SarniaSaint signs up on Sotonians, and claims that he has invented a viable teleportation device. We say he’s bollocks. He materialises in a spare chair at the Rockstone, screams “watch this, limey fucks”, clicks his fingers and teleports the entire drinking party to Sarnia. Unhelpfully, he hasn’t provided any chairs, so arses hit the snow as soon as we arrived. Collectively stunned, the first words to leave anyone’s mouth are “He wasn’t bullshitting!”.

“It’s actually a lot easier than you think”, he says. “It would fucking have to be”, comes a reply. Despite that, the face to face does the usual magic, and not only does he teach us how to teleport (it is fucking easy) we also get assurances that he will not use his powers for ill, and nor do we.

Sotonians save the world. We use our powers to rapidly fabricate housing, food production and distribution is revolutionised. We end world hunger, make oil and war redundant. Distance is no longer a constraint, no-one has to commute. With free time multiplying a kind of utopia emerges, and we finally figure it all out (it wasn’t as hard as we thought).

An old man now, you travelled back in time to see where it all began.

If all goes well, everything will be fine, and you’ll simply have no recollection of this conversation. If it doesn’t – we’ll all be back on Fiver Central, paying Steve Grant for the dubious privilege of getting trolled by tedious twats and a handful of genuine fucking lunatics! Pray that this does not happen, and wish me (us) luck!

Regardless, it was a pleasure to briefly make our acquaintence in real-time. I wish you a long and happy life, for obvious reasons.

Told ya before. You’re safe

[Jack-Schitt]

Originally posted by @saintbletch

You could still turn out for the Old Blokes, Jack.

Even if your medial ligament was never reconnected, you’d still be odds on man of the match.

Cheers mate. I would love to, and I often feel a tinge of jealousy reading your thread, when you’re all off playing. I wish that I could join you, but alas (poor Yorick, I knew him!) the knee is the least of my concerns injury wise. I can still play with that. It is the fucked back that’s currently keeping me out of action.

Originally posted by @saintbletch

PS everyone loses to Winsor.

Indeed, they were an unstoppable force back then.

Originally posted by @saintbletch

PPS as for goal memories I once went in goal for the school team and let in 9 goals against Brookfield School in a 9-0 loss.

We were from Gosport and being held responsible for losing to the Toffs from Sarisbury Green was a burden I had to carry all through school.

If it’s any consolation, I once banged four goals past Sarisbury Sparks for you, when we stuffed them 10-1 away with Lordswood Utd. They played in yellow and black if I recall correctly.

[saintbletch]

pap, two questions…

One, what the fuck are you on?

Two, in Scooby-doo Ending and Super Happy Ending, am I still dead?

[Jack-Schitt]

Indeed, I don’t know what Winsor had about them, but they were superior across the age levels. My kid brother’s team always got smashed by them too.

I remember playing against Earls in a cup match away in my first season with Lordswood. We were 2nd Division then (and won the title that year), and Earls were a division below us. But we went there and somehow managed to lose 4-1. It sticks in the memory as we were 1-0 up for most of the game, and just couldn’t kill it off, then bizarrely conceded four late goals in the last few minutes. Two immediately from the previous restarts!

It’s amazing how crystalised so many of the memories are that I have from back then, especially the football related ones. Warsash Wasps in their black and yellow stripes, always used to love scoring against them cos their 'keeper was a mouthy little prick. One of the most memorable games was against the always dirty hacking Langley Manor side, in their yellow and blue kit. I was still playing for shitty Mansel (black and white stripes) at the time, (first team I joined after moving across the city from Woolston) last game of the season and we needed a win to stay up. We were desperately holding on for a hard-fought, tight 0-1 away win late in the game, and the cunts scored right at the death. They celebrated like they’d just won the FA cup, whooping around gloating and taunting us that we were going down.

We restarted, the ball was played back, bouncing high, toward our captain and centre-back, well inside our own half. It bounced once into his path, and he just wellied it upfield for me to chase…

it bounced high over my head on the edge of their area, over the advancing keeper, and straight into the back of the net! 1-2 to the Mansel, and up we stayed, lol.

The Lordswood Utd vs City Rangers / AFC Solent City / Mansel games always used to split the school, as most of our class played for one of those sides. I remember so clearly this old song “Autumn Days” that we used to sing in Monday morning school Assembly, the last verse is -

Scent of gardens when the rain’s been falling

And a minnow darting down a stream

Picked-up engine that’s been stuttering and stalling

_ And a win for my home team. _

We’d all be sat cross-legged on the polished wooden floor singing along, and looking for eachother to variously grin at or tease.

A short clip to bring back some memories: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Teq1hQnmiA8

Sometimes I can’t even remember what I did last week – and yet I remember soo much from my school-days like it was yesterday. I remember the full names of all my classmates, and when I do – instant recall of their face, memories of times we shared, all come rushing right back. Lol, this is all prime material for the Childhood Memories thread though, not here really. Soz Baz.

Nice to finish on a timely reminder to myself though:

So I mustn’t forget

No, I mustn’t forget.

To say a great big

Thank You

I mustn’t forget

So easy to forget to remember to appreciate all we have, and the good times life has given us.

[pap]

Originally posted by @saintbletch

pap, two questions…

One, what the fuck are you on?

A rocking chair.

Two, in Scooby-doo Ending and Super Happy Ending, am I still dead?

No-one died, bletch. You were first to shit your pants though.

[Jack-Schitt]

All out of time for the night, or I’d respond in kind to your (my) excellent last post Pap.

Just had to say though…

Originally posted by @pap

We have enlisted help. but two of their number have spent the majority of the investigation in the Sotonians Pantry _ making unfeasibly tall sandwiches _.

haha, this was one of the best lines ever. I laughed!

Even that reminds me fondly of childhood experiements. They involved peanut butter, pineapple rings, mustard, tuna, and all manner of other such ingredients you’d never think to place together between multi-stacked layers of bread – unless you were a very strange and wildly experimental child, as I very much was.

[Cobham-Saint]

Given all the multiple threads of doom and gloom going on I thought I’d bump this one for a bit of perspective - lighten up you bunch of miserable gits

[pap]

It depressed me because I’m reminded of how @jack-schitt was hounded off the site.

How’s that shoe feeling on the other foot, chasers?

Mu-ha!

[lifeintheslowlane]

Conscience clear…always enjoyed his contributions and sad when he left. He’d be very welcome back.

[Cobham-Saint]

There was some hounding as I recall Pap, but also a healthy dose of cynicism about the “sources”

I like a good story but where it relates to alleged real facts I like…call me old fashioned…facts. Sources are nice too. I know you like sources and facts, nay, demand then.

Not sure I hounded, but PM details to save the he said, she said, on here, if I did

[Sadoldgit]

Jack was an excellent poster, no matter what you thought of his ITK (or not) stuff. He seems to have vanished from Twitter now too.

[pap]

I was hoping to tar everyone with the same brush, @cobham-saint .

Seems to attract huge votes on the Brexit thread.

Mu-ha II : The Ill-Advised Sequel