papster, can we ban word-puns on papsweb?
Leaving aside the ā comedyā, howās fatherhood treating you, Toke?
Itās hell bletch, sometimes he crys so loudly I have to turn the TV right up. I am here in the day time, tired out of my mind, trying to run a business while googling funny latin phrases to support papsweb.
I am also trying to get Celtic to win the league on football manager. Itās a full time job.
Howās life as a grandad?
All good, nothing bad thanks son.
I knew youād be a natural Dad.
Youāre kidding, right? I was aiming for them to be the glue that held this site together.
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Have you been out in the sun too long today, Bletch?
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Not v.funny or anything, but I thought this gives interesting insight into how football contract negotiations are conducted. I was interested in the back and forth, and how bros have to argue one thing, and then the complete opposite. That is a thing i was interested in.
Ayre: Good morning.
Ward: Good morning.
Ayre: Good morning.
Ward: Well, go on then.
Ayre: I beg your pardon?
Ward: You called me in. Lets have it.
Ayre: Oh, Iām so sorry. Whatever did I want to see you about? I canāt recall.
Ward: I represent Raheem.
Ayre: Raheem? Raheemā¦ No, sorry. Drawing a blank. Is he one of the cleaning staff?
Ward: Heās a player. Raheem Sterling.
Ayre: We have so many players now, you know, itās difficult to keep track. Youth squad is he?
Ward: Heās got more than 100 starts for the first team, and 14 for England.
Ayre: Oh well, weāve got such injury problems, you know. We play a lot of fringe players lately. And England, well they call up virtually anybody. Wouldnāt surprise me if Jamie Vardy got a call up!
Ward: Whatever. Raheem wants a new contract.
Ayre: Ok ok. Let me have a look. Oh, here we are. Raheem Sterling. Inconsistent performer. Questionable social life. Not highly rated by our coaching staff, Iām afraid.
Ward: Your manager called him the best young player in Europe!
Ayre: Oh, thatās just Brendan. You canāt listen to what he says. Itās mostly just for effect. Listen, how about this, I donāt wish to be unkind, letās extend the ladās contract by a few years, give him a chance to turn it around. A small cut in wages, would easily compensate.
Ward: Completely unnacceptable!
Ayre: Youāre not serious? You wouldnāt really turn down a contract extension with Liverpool, would you? We won the European Cup in the 80s!
Ward: Youāre wasting my time. Raheem Sterling ought to be the best paid player at the club.
Ayre: What, more than Stevie G? You canāt be serious. Heās already getting ā let me check - Ā£35k a week! Thatās awfully good cheddar, for a fringe player of his age, with inconsistent form and a questionable social life. Be reasonable. How about I slip him an extra Ā£10k. Make it Ā£45k per week. Youāre robbing me blind, but I donāt mind. Iāve always liked you. Just remember you owe me one.
Ward: We can get twice that elsewhere. 3 times even.
Ayre: I doubt that, I really do. And as you said yourself, at least here heās getting starts, who knows what would happen at another club. We rate Raheem very highly. Important player, for us. He might not be so lucky elsewhere, could be a real backwards step.
Ward: You said heās a fringe player! You said heās ānot highly rated by the coaching staff.ā
Ayre: Well no, not now. But we play him all the same, do you see? Heās one of the Liverpool family. You donāt turn your back on your family.
Ward: For Ā£200k per week, you might.
Ayre: Ā£200k! Not a chance. Ā£100k. Best I can do. Take it or leave it.
Ward: Iāll leave it. Iāll go and tell Man City they make a bid. Ā£2m should do it, for a fringe player.
Ayre: Ā£2m! For the best young player in Europe? I donāt think so!
Ward: Heās not that good, honestly. Inconsistent form, you see. Also, youāre right about his social life. Very questionable. I could tell you some stories! Honestly, youāre better off rid of him. I can probably talk them up a bit though. Ā£5m maybe? Itāll be a real effort, but I donāt mind. Iāve always liked you.
Ayre: I wouldnāt sell him for five times that! 10 times even! Heās got 14 England caps!
Ward: Pfft. Anyone can get England caps. Look at Tom Cleverley.
Ayre: Youāre making a mistake. The lad Sterling, heās far better off here. Even Carragher said so.
Ward: Carragherās a knob.
Ayre: Well, yes. I have to concede that. But still, come on. Ā£150k. Per week. Final offer.
Ward: Get stuffed. I wouldnāt even sign for Ā£800k. Iāll get you a Ā£20m transfer fee though. Final offer.
Ayre: Get stuffed. I wouldnāt even sell for Ā£50m.
Ward: Well, thatās that then. Good morning.
Ayre: Good morning.
Ward: Good morning.
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Originally posted by @saintbletch
That really is shocking. The kidsā heads are far too big for their bodies. Dreadful.
Good beat Gay Boot.
I see bearsy and turkish (with his allardyce mask) are enjoying themselves at the footie, bless em
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