Ok sorry Lou, maybe I over reacted. I haven’t been posting much for a while now. I am busy and whenever I do make the effort to post, someone (on occasions you) comes along to moan. No one wants to be seen as being Turkish so suddenly everyone agrees. It’s like when my mate used to put on a posh voice when his Mrs was around (they obviously ended up divorced as you can only keep up an act for so long) I don’t come here for lessons in spelling, Grammar or PC. I have to worry about all that stuff in my normal life. I come here to rip bear and call Bletch a pompous old git. It’s a release!
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Have just convinced my missus that Haggis are little creatures like hedgehogs but with fur instead of spines and they only live in Scotland.
She never even queried the fact that she has eaten them before.
I did something similar with my Mrs while in Scotland. I said that if my family hadn’t of left Scotland years ago, I would have probably continued the proud family tradition of haggis hunting in the highlands.
I can’t remember teling her it was a joke… she might still believe me.
No worries. I’m the opposite of a kill joy in the real world, but I guess that’s how it comes across here.
I’m sad if this place feels the need to be PC because of me. That’s definitely not what I’m all about. But given I’m not posting so much at the moment either, maybe you should reclaim your man cave and go wild?
x
I used to bullshit my kids all the time and tell them complete whoppers, like the Eiffel Tower was in Kirkby. I always tried to keep it so fucking ridiculous as to keep it unbelievable. I also claimed that Chicken McNuggets came from an entirely different species, vividly describing an anthropomorphic beast with cute arms and legs. They would run free until the bastards at McDonalds chopped their arms and legs off to bung them in the nearest deep fat fryer.
My kids don’t believe much of what I say without verifying it for themselves these days. I have done my job 
On a related note, I have announced to the whole family that going from bog to bath is efficient as “you don’t really have to wipe your arse”.
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Why so little posting then Lou? Weighed down with ironing?
I’m so tied to the kitchen sink, I can’t even reach the ironing board, Goaters.
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I was watching football with the missus last night. Cards on the table, I was on a wind-up - playing a special game called WWLD (What Will Lallana Do). It is a great game to play with a scouser. Every time that Lallana looks like he’s about to get possession, you ask the question “What will Lallana do?”. You then watch what Lallana does, then describe it. Some typical answers included:-
“Play safe pass to player in worse position”
“Get tackled by defender”
It was particularly fun after 90 minutes, for me, anyway.
The missus takes the proper hump and starts pointing out that whenever they criticise Southampton, “you go fucking mental”. Not true, unless you equate a robust defence of our position, pointing out the inherent problems with club size, status and finances. We’ll leave that matter there, because we’re getting to the part where she says something really stupid.
Apparently, Southampton are crap because they don’t win all of their games. She then correctly pointed to our two slumps over the last two seasons, and told me that if we had won those games, we’d have been in a much better position. That’s what we should have done, and we didn’t, so we’re crap.
It was at that point that I began to lament that she works at an adult education training centre, and not as manager of Liverpool FC. That is proper knowledge there; I doubt that chancer Klopp has even considered it, and I understand he’s on a huge fucking wedge.
Why didn’t she apply for the job?
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My Missus " Can I change the channel on the tv"
Me " do you have the remote control"
Missus " yes I always have it"
Me " do you know how to push the buttons"
Missus " what buttons its a remote control"
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My darling wife, who is from up north, once asked me if we would be able to buy duty frees as we boarded the Red Funnel ferry in Soton.
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We know you cant, but you bloody well should be able to thats like going to a foreignland that is.
I’m lucky enough to be blissfully happy and married to an Australian lass of slightly younger vintage, her biggest flaw being she has very little taste when it comes to music. She does come out with the occasional classic comment as well. Her latest being “I don’t really know many Bowie songs. The only one I like is White Wedding”.
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This is the image we use for the Sotonians Twitter account. I still get jip for it from some quarters 
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Was cleaning the house this morning in a family effort. I scooted around the living room clearing away the detritus of last night’s activities and made this point later on.
Apparently, this was just “surface mess”, according to ms pap.
“Surface mess!? As opposed to what? Mess lodged in between the the cavities of the walls!”
Surface mess.
Originally posted by @pap
Was cleaning the house this morning in a family effort. I scooted around the living room clearing away the detritus of last night’s activities and made this point later on.
Apparently, this was just “surface mess”, according to ms pap.
“Surface mess!? As opposed to what? Mess lodged in between the the cavities of the walls!”
Surface mess.
I am going with Mrs pap here have you ever seen a hoover Pap?
the dirty shit that needs more than just a wipe over with an unclean tea towel
Sat in the car with the missus. I had control of the music. Put some Belle & Sebastian on, The Boy With the Arab Strap. Was promptly informed it was shit. From a girl that had NKOTB’s “Hanging Tough” on constant rotation when she was fifteen.
This is what I have to live with. Currently sat in the dirty mancave, listening to Dear Catastrophe Waitress in middle age rebellion,
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That’s what karma does to people who politically correct others thread titles.
Do you think that’s where her NKOTB love came from? Karma, working backward in time (perhaps sending a T-800) to introduce boy band music to my future missus’ ears?
Fucking cool if so.
Karma works in mysterious ways pap.