😆 Joke thread; may cause offence (with a bit of luck) 🤮 😠

:laughing: Joke thread; may cause offence (with a bit of luck) :face_vomiting: :angry:


Apparently, 3 or 4 weeks ago, when Colin Wanker was asked about the transfer he said “It’s dead in the water!”


Bob I’m truly shocked and disappointed that I didn’t think of that first.


Is a true story, apparently


I’ve see a video to that effect, wasn’t sure if it was a whatsapp voiceover parody thing.


I can’t wait for Leicester to play Cardiff.

The Air Disaster derby.


El Crashico.


I wouldnt say she’s easy but her nickname is Theresa May, because she has probably fucked the whole country


They told me I’d never be good at poetry because I’m dyslexic.

But so far I’ve made 2 jugs and a vase and they’re lovely


On my first day of work in a newspaper office a man hit me round the head with a rolled up newspaper
“Why did you do that” I cried
“I’m the Editor” he replied …


“Ohhh, christ yeah…” I sighed as I came over my sister-in-law’s tits. “I’ve been waiting years to do that.”

Oh well, suppose I’d better get the lid back on the coffin.


At the gym this morning I discovered a hole in my trainer. Just big enough to get my finger in.

Bloody woman kicked off. I’m barred and facing police prosecution.


I had to read this about 10 times before i got it :lou_lol:







Not only is that very funny…IT’S FUCKIN’ TERRIFYING. :hushed:


A Scotsman, Englishman and an Irishman were drinking at a bar.
“As good as this bar is,” said the Scotsman, “I still prefer the pubs
back home. In Glasgow , there’s a wee place called McTavish’s. The
landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks,
he’ll buy the fifth drink.”

“Well, Angus,” said the Englishman, “At my local in London , the Red
Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first

“Ahhh, dat’s nothin’,” said the Irishman, “back home in my favorite
pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they’ll buy you a drink,
then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you’ve had
enough drinks, they’ll take you upstairs and see dat you gets laid,
all on the house!”

The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims. The
Irishman swore every word was true. “Did this actually happen to

“Not meself, personally, no,” admitted the Irishman, "but it did
happen to me sister quite a few times … "


I phoned work to say I’d be in late as I had to take my cat to the vet.

“Pull the other one,” snapped my boss. “Why can’t your wife do it?”

I said “because it’s not her cock it’s stuck on.”


A penguin takes a trip to the beach in his car. As he nears the beach the car starts to overheat. Spotting a mechanics workshop he pulls over and explains his problem to the mechanic. I’m a bit busy but I’ll have a look at
it if you come back in a couple of hours, says the mechanic.
The penguin wanders off down to the beach and has a wander along the water’s edge, has a swim, a laze in the sun and when wandering back to the car tops off the visit with a customary ice cream.
Arriving back at the workshop he sees the mechanic head down under the car’s bonnet. The seal speaks out “Have you found the problem?”
Upon straightening the mechanic declares, " You’ve blown a seal !"
“No,no.” exclaims the seal. “I’ve just had an icecream!”


[quote=“ghq, post:138, topic:4676”]
[/quote]Just royally fucked that Read penguin for seal Sorry


Consider this stolen… :grin::+1: