😆 Joke thread; may cause offence (with a bit of luck) 🤮 😠

:laughing: Joke thread; may cause offence (with a bit of luck) :face_vomiting: :angry:


I sidled up to an ugly little guy in the pub who seemed to be having to fight off the women, they were all over him like a rash and practically throwing themselves at him.

“Excuse me mate,” I said, “what’s your secret? Why are all the birds after you?”

“I’ve no idea,” he frowned, thoughtfully licking his eyebrows.


The day Pearl Harbour was attacked during WW2 was reported as being extremely cold!!!, apparently there was a nasty nip in the air


Did you hear about the cannibal who dumped his girlfriend?


I for one,
Like Roman numerals.


People think just because I’m fucking an older woman I must be after her money.

But I know for a fact my Gran hasn’t got any savings.


I was waiting by the desk in a dingy gym when this huge bodybuilder sidled up to me.

“Are you the guy with the 'roids?” he whispered furtively.

I said “No, I just didn’t feel like sitting down.”


All kinds of wrong there, skip.

Hence the upvote :wink:


I’ve just read that the wife of the Amazon boss, Jeff Bezos, is leaving him.

With a neighbour?