😆 Joke thread; may cause offence (with a bit of luck) 🤮 😠


#101

I sidled up to an ugly little guy in the pub who seemed to be having to fight off the women, they were all over him like a rash and practically throwing themselves at him.

“Excuse me mate,” I said, “what’s your secret? Why are all the birds after you?”

“I’ve no idea,” he frowned, thoughtfully licking his eyebrows.


#102

The day Pearl Harbour was attacked during WW2 was reported as being extremely cold!!!, apparently there was a nasty nip in the air


#103

Did you hear about the cannibal who dumped his girlfriend?


#104

I for one,
Like Roman numerals.


#105

People think just because I’m fucking an older woman I must be after her money.

But I know for a fact my Gran hasn’t got any savings.


#106

I was waiting by the desk in a dingy gym when this huge bodybuilder sidled up to me.

“Are you the guy with the 'roids?” he whispered furtively.

I said “No, I just didn’t feel like sitting down.”


#107

All kinds of wrong there, skip.

Hence the upvote :wink:


#108

I’ve just read that the wife of the Amazon boss, Jeff Bezos, is leaving him.

With a neighbour?


#109

Prince Philip has crashed his Range Rover.

I’m sure that just like for everyone else, the police will have checked his insurance and breathalysed him.


#110

A huge fatberg is clogging London’s sewers.

In other news, my wife’s been missing since Christmas Eve.


#111

I tried on the wife’s beachwear while she was out shopping.

It felt so right but it seemed sarong.


#112

Think you need to step things up guys, I’ve not been offended once yet


#113

Just heard that Windsor Davies has died. I thought “no way did he look 88 years old.”

Then I thought “actually, these dwarves always look younger than they are.”


#114

While I was on this plane I wandered into the cockpit and this bloke was sat at the controls drinking hot chocolate, I said “who are you?”. He said “I’m the coco pilot!”


#115


#116

Emiliano Sala was the perfect fit for Cardiff.

They’re both going down.


#117

Too early
:sunglasses:


#118

Fuck off, it’s never too early :grin:

I got the wife a three piece swimsuit.

Top and bottom for her, and a blindfold for me.


#119

…while I’m at it…

Has anyone considered the possibility that Sala stopped off in the Channel Islands so Cardiff can avoid paying the VAT?


#120

Neil Warnock on Emiliano Sala…

“When I told him to play deep, I didn’t mean it quite so literally.”