Do we need a month long thread
A wanking story.
A good few years ago, my old Boss was being put under increasing pressure by his Wife to sire another child. They were fortunate enough to have one delightful little girl, but the pursuit of a sibling was proving unsuccessful. He’d regularly come into work with small bottles of ground up beetles or some extract from the root of an Indonesian herb to take with his tea in the hope this would get the old tadpoles moving. Once a month he’d get a phone call at work and shoot off, to, well, shoot off. Alas, two years later and with no news of impregnation, his good lady was becoming so frustrated she insist he go for a sperm test.
He confided in me that he wouldn’t be in work a week Tuesday.
Tuesday afternoon came and he rocked up on site, quite sheepish. It took a bit of time, but eventually we got it out of him. He’d been shown a booth with selection of old top shelf magazines (this was a good few years ago) and told to produce a sample. It transpired that he got so fed up with shagging his demanding wife, purely for the purposes of procreation, that he found knocking one out to be quite pleasurable. Mix this with a stack of aging mags that reminded him of teenage fumbles and he lost his head a bit and forgot why he was in the booth in the first place. Essentially he let it out all over the magazine (Zeta the Witch, Fiesta centrefold, c. 1984, i believe) and didn’t get any in the sample pot. I seem the remember him telling me that he picked up the magazine and tipped it up allowing some of his monkey custard to dribble into the pot, before zipping up, handing in the sample and legging it.
Still makes me chuckle.
Oh, come off it.
It’s like waiting for a bus. Don’t go out for a Brunch for about 2 years and 2 come along in consecutive weeks.
Big thanks to our sponsor DJ JP for the birthday present.
And who knows I may even get to spend my second Birthday Present - a 40quid dirnk voucher for being runner up at Karaoke last week #notabirthdaypresentatall
What can possibly go wrong
Ist Friday off the Betty Ford clinic. I will be wasted so bletched by at least 14:00 your time anything I post after that time is non admissable anywhere.
Today starts a great weekend
1 Red Dead Redemption 2 turns up
2 my brother is coming round tonight for beers and curry
3 I offload the Ayatollah onto one of those floating Hen nights Saturday lunchtime
5 Beer festival in romsey
6 Peace and quiet on Sunday without being nagged - mostly playing RDR2 with periodic pause to pee, get more wine and to eat
I have the 1st Red Dead Redemption game, still in its wrapper and I have never played it. I must have had it for about 3 or 4 years, i guess. That’s why old twats like me should never buy video games, FFS. Waste of money.
This brunch has games.
1st game they gave us plasticine.
What could possibly go wrong?
Food is really good though
It went wrong…
Mrs D_P made a few inappropriate comments now we have to make a Clown.
Apparently the judges won’t know who Harry Redknapp is
Do I stick with beer or go full Mojito early?
Yeah, Rihanna has 2 'n’s, fucking amateurs.
Wow. The judges must be pissed.
We came 2nd! in the whole games thing.
Including beer glass stacking. I couldn’t see let alone balance things
The part of Barasti you never see.
And it’s totally our home.
Not keen for MLT here tomorrow at all.
Do I stay upstairs or go down to the beach and go full Ibiza mosh pit with Mark Romero…
Yeah stupid question at my age.
Heineken for me tonight. I’ll have to ration them. There is no point in getting totally bazzed, bazzed as a fart or absbazzlutely bazz fucking mortal.
@Barry-Sanchez has that angle covered. Most of the day.
Hurry up FFS!